I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
