just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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