I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
