a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
