just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
