I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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