um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
