you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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