i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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