you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
