Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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