Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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