I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
