now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
