3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and she was petting her beer can
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You need a sexual gate keeper
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
