my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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