Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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