im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
