pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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