he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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