He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
