Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
