my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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