I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
