We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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