Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
