dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
