i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
