Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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