I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
