wanna go halves on a baby?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
