I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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