yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
