He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
