life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
