47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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