This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
