I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
