i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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