Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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