haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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