People in love make me want to vomit
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
