he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
