if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
