Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We had to coat check the pizza.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are the jesus of drinking
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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