He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
