I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
