This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
