Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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