that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
