This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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