I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
