would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
