Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
