i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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