I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
