I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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