She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
